Zaoth’s most recent Quotables

Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons, in an infinite number of universes, I assure you, that in none of them, am I dancing.

Peter (at church): Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?

Peter (as a doctor) - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life.
Guy - OH MY GOD!
Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.

Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.

Es ist durchaus nicht dasselbe, die Wahrheit über sich zu wissen oder sie von anderen hören zu müssen.

Erfahrung heißt gar nichts. Man kann seine Sache auch 35 Jahre schlecht machen.

Wahrer Reichtum besteht nicht im Besitz, sondern im Genießen.

Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.

A cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

I tend to think that we westerners give too much credit to Christianity for moral codes that, by all appearances, other cultures have managed to arrive at without any input from Jesus.

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

You know you have created God in your own image, when you find that your God hates the same people that you do.

With or without religion, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion.

Faith: not *wanting* to know what is true.

When you believe in an imaginary figure that only you can see or hear, it's called a psychological problem. If you believe in an imaginary figure that even you can't see or hear, it's a religion.

If religious people could be reasoned with there would be no religious people.

Cleveland: I can't believe how terrible the fishing was.
Peter: Yeah, all we caught was a tire, a boot, a tin can, and this book of clichés.

I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.

I quit three weeks ago... I can do it again.