paulfedory’s Submitted Quotes

Just stay where you are, and don't do *anything* revenge-y until I get there, you got it?

It's *only* a dream wedding? Thank God! I did *not* want to attend.

If this were Comic-Con, I would take a bullet for that kid. But here in the real world, trespassing is a crime.

Death to the living, long life to the killers. Success to sailors' wives & greasy luck to whalers.

They are not evil people that are good at Foosball. They are good at Foosball because they are evil. It's an evil game that brings out the worst in us.

That dude was hardcore racist, like 1800's Disney-style!

If any of you need anything at all: too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves like adults.

Cancel my subscription, I'm over your issues.

When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.

Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned.

I have to go pee due to boredom.

On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.

I got my first job when I was nine. Child labor laws are ruining this country.

What if I get drunk and I talk about Darfur too much? Or not enough?! What if I don't bring up Darfur enough?

The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.

I love showtunes; they really tell the story of the human condition.

Fishing relaxes me; it's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

I spent the night learning arts & crafts from my cellmate Chavo. Did you know you can make an ashtray using only a cigarette and a snitch's forehead?

Who am I to stand in the way of someone trying to put their life together? What am I, daytime television?

I don't care if he murdered his whole family, he's like a son to me!