paulfedory’s most recent Quotables

Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

I was never one to hold a grudge. My father held grudges. Always hated him for that.

Call it a complisult. Part compliment, part insult. I coined the term. See what I did there? That was an explanabrag.

Me and Abed have an agreement. If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide due to the unjust cancellation of Firefly.

If anyone's interested, I'll be spending this Valentine's in the same way I spend every Valentine's. Buying disoriented chicken from the supermarket, taking home, standing over the sink and eating out of the packet with my bare hands like an animal.

Last night I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side by side mansions, but there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?

Cute is for bunnies. I want to be something with sex appeal. Like a labradoodle!

Oh, you're so arrogant! If you were a super hero your name would be Captain Arrogant. And do you know what your super power would be? Arrogance!

Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? It's rice!

I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.

I'd rather swim buck naked across the Ganges river with a paper cut on my nipple than work with you.

I don't want to go back to India! It's hot, and it's loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea -- they're everywhere.

I'm going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay, or as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.

Dance number aside, I'm so not gay.

Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped -- but that's not the expression.

Women, you can't live with them. You can't successfully refute their hypotheses.

Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don't have to peep through windows.

I'd kill my Rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.

Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

Indian Monopoly is just like regular monopoly. Except the money is in rupees and instead of hotels, you build call centers. And when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery. Just FYI, that was racist.