paulfedory’s Edited Quotes

They are not evil people that are good at Foosball. They are good at Foosball because they are evil. It's an evil game that brings out the worst in us.

Fishing relaxes me; it's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

Guys, I'm really nervous. Ke$ha has been a cultural icon for weeks, and I really want to do her music justice.

Who did Jesus hang around? Mary Magdalene. Who was she? A prostitute. Which means if they had cameras back then, I bet she would've done a porno.

I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything.

If anyone's interested, I'll be spending this Valentine's in the same way I spend every Valentine's. Buying disoriented chicken from the supermarket, taking home, standing over the sink and eating out of the packet with my bare hands like an animal.

People thought I went on vacation but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers.

You'll never win anything with kids.

Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!

I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good.

The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp.