paulfedory’s most recent Quotables

You know what else was the best? The rainforests. Too bad the fascist oligarchies are raping them to make hamburgers. Look it up!

While waiting at the cash register, I picked up a pair of argyle wool socks from a nearby wicker basket and asked, “Are your socks local?” The salesman self-consciously said no. I returned the socks like an organic farmer who has learned that a friend has named her child Monsanto.

I really only listen to like, German death reggae, and Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. And Bette Midler. Obviously.

To Americans, Chechnya might as well be a suburb of Narnia.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.

There's nothing we can't do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk all other responsibilities in our lives.

I grew up in the tri-state area. Did you grow up in any... particular cluster... of states?

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

It's not much of a compliment if you're that surprised.

Just stay where you are, and don't do *anything* revenge-y until I get there, you got it?

It's *only* a dream wedding? Thank God! I did *not* want to attend.

If this were Comic-Con, I would take a bullet for that kid. But here in the real world, trespassing is a crime.

All worthy work is open to interpretations the author did not intend. Art isn't your pet -- it's your kid. It grows up and talks back to you.

Hell is empty. And all the devils are here.

Death to the living, long life to the killers. Success to sailors' wives & greasy luck to whalers.

They are not evil people that are good at Foosball. They are good at Foosball because they are evil. It's an evil game that brings out the worst in us.

That dude was hardcore racist, like 1800's Disney-style!

If any of you need anything at all: too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves like adults.

Cancel my subscription, I'm over your issues.