osmium67’s most recent Quotables

Four words, Rush. Home. For. Poirot

Such Fun!

Don't be alarmed, it's only my wife laughing.

I think the phrase rhymes with "clucking bell"

If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.

Baldrick, you wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing "Subtle plans are here again!"

Oh, I see. Roweena! Roweeeeeeeeeena! And what am I supposed to do while you're doing the underpants charleston with this insane, blind tart?!

Hah. You're toast. T.O.E.A.R.S.T. Toearst.

Not to be rude or anything, but this isn't a great time for me to have a house elf in my bedroom.

The Eskimo has fifty-two names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love.

Nobody dies from lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from.

If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next -- if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions -- you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. You'd be a stone. You'd never eat or drink or laugh or get out of bed in the morning. You'd never dare to.

Where is the cake? Cake is the language of love. I don't see any cakes in the building. You know, people say that to you: "I love you, I love you!" Yeah? Gimme a f*ckin' eclair.

Now that's a very, very bad idea. You should stay away from your potential. I mean that is something you should leave absolutely alone. You'll mess it up! It's potential, leave it! And anyway, it's like your bank balance, you always have a lot less than you think.

Snakes. They're like bits of rope, only angrier.

The internet. Can we trust in that? Of course not. Give it six months and we'll probably discover Google's sewn together by orphans in sweatshops. Or that Wi-Fi does something horrible to your brain, like eating your fondest memories and replacing them with drawings of cross-eyed bats and a strong smell of puke.

The greatest form of distraction, however, has to be the pursuit of swanky material goods. Nothing staves off that gnawing sense of dread quite like a spending spree. Maybe I won't get my legs blown off by terrorists if I buy enough aspirational bullsh*t? That's the spirit.

Hello, I'm Ivan Dobsky. I'm the Meatsafe Murderer, only I never done it. I had to say that I did so they'd take the truncheon out of me bottom, only there's these two nice men called "D" an' "A" and they know that I never done it and they've told everyone. Can I have a quarter of a pound of cola cubes, please?

Whores will have their trinkets.

You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.