morgasm’s most recent Quotables

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."

On a stop light green means go, red means stop and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means "hold on", yellow means "go ahead", and red means "where the f*ck did you get that banana at?"

I think Bigfoot is blurry; that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. "Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the f*ck’s really goin' on down there? Who is the real hero?

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Life's not a garden, so don't be a hoe.