mgandhi’s most recent Quotables

Three little sentences will get you through life. Number one: Cover for me. Number two: Oh, good idea, boss. Number three: It was like that when I got here.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.

I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.

You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter?  Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.  Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Marge, it takes two to lie - one to lie, and one to listen.

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!

If at first you don't succeed, give up.

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

People who say it cannot be done, should not interrupt those who are doing it.

A wise man will be the master of his mind; a fool will be its slave.

Wealth is the slave of a wise man. The master of a fool.

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Television!  Teacher, mother, secret lover.

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.

For a bad hangover take the juice of two quarts of whisky.