kawlesle’s most recent Quotables

She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine...

Life's not a garden, so don't be a hoe.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.

Smart girls know how to play tennis, piano and dumb.

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Man in Black: Do you always begin conversations this way?

Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

Remember people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold; but so does a hard-boiled egg.

God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.

Did you know Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Villager: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Crowd: Burn her!
Sir Bedevere: But how do you know she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: ... I got better.

You are not a ninja. Each time you use the word ‘ninja’ in vain, another one moves into your attic. Ninjas train. Ninjas battle. Ninjas don’t check email.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... Wow! What a ride!