joe’s most recent Quotables

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

The best way to complain is to make things.

The infinite is in the finite of every instant.

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio, replied:
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine...

From our birthday, until we die,
Is but the winking of an eye.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Customer: Hi, do you have the song "I Just Called To Say I Love You?" It's for my daughter's birthday.
Barry: Yeah we have it.
Customer: Great, great. Can I have it?
Barry: No, no, you can't.
Customer: Why not?
Barry: Well, it's sentimental tacky crap. Do we look like the kind of store that sells I Just Called to Say I Love You? Go to the mall.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Only a life lived for others is worth living.

"Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say. "Sort of." It's just a filler. "Sort of"—it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, "sort of" means everything. Like after, "I love you." Or, "You're going to live." Or, "It's a boy!"

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.