jessedoodles’s most recent Quotables

"To me, getting ready for "bikini season" means buying a new pair of sunglasses."

"Good, better, best. Never let it rest until your good is better and your better is its best."

You miss 100% of the shots that you do not take.

"I think we should all get two lives. One to make all the mistakes in and one to do it again."

As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like a pancake: all exciting at first but by the end, your sick of 'em.

Two-in-one is a bull**** term because one is not big enough to hold two. That is the reason two was created.

It ain't over till it's over.

It was déjà vu all over again.

The future ain't what it used to be.

"Nobody visits there anymore; it's too crowded."

My job is to write jokes. I sit in a hotel room and when I think of something funny, I write it down. If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.

The only bad part about bacon is that it makes you thirsty........for more bacon.

"Bits of bacon are the fairydust of the food community."