Indifference’s most recent Quotables

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Unicorns are just ponies in party hats

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my granddad. Not screaming and yelling like his passengers

The more I came to know of the world, the more I knew I knew it not.

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

The Pessimist: I don't see any light in here.
The Optimist: Hey, I see a light at the end of the tunnel!
The Realist: Is that a train?
The Engineer: WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH THESE IDIOTS

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I don't think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a f*ckin' bitch all the time.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

"Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say. "Sort of." It's just a filler. "Sort of"—it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, "sort of" means everything. Like after, "I love you." Or, "You're going to live." Or, "It's a boy!"

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Lady Astor: Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!
Winston Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.