I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Submitted by allie16e about 7 years ago
26 loves
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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Submitted by allie16e about 7 years ago
26 loves
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my granddad. Not screaming and yelling like his passengers
Submitted by y3teacher over 4 years ago
4 loves
The more I came to know of the world, the more I knew I knew it not.
— Unknown
Submitted by Indifference over 4 years ago
1 love
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.
Submitted by Marci over 7 years ago
6 loves
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
Submitted by Marci over 7 years ago
22 loves
Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
Submitted by JakeChampion over 7 years ago
23 loves
Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Submitted by pixelator over 7 years ago
27 loves
I don't think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.
— Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
Submitted by Indifference over 4 years ago
3 loves
Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
Submitted by laura over 7 years ago
27 loves
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Submitted by laura over 7 years ago
31 loves
My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a f*ckin' bitch all the time.
Submitted by mark over 7 years ago
27 loves
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Submitted by pandorasinbox over 7 years ago
28 loves
Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
Submitted by laura over 7 years ago
30 loves
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Submitted by laura almost 8 years ago
37 loves
Lady Astor: Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!
Winston Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
Submitted by pandorasinbox over 7 years ago
38 loves