hohansen’s Tagged Quotes

It’s an incredible con job when you think about it, to believe something now in exchange for something after death. Even corporations with their reward systems don’t try to make it posthumous.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.

This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

It's never just a game when you're winning.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Religions vary in their degree of idiocy, but I reject them all.

It ain’t the parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

Learning without thought is labor lost.

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.