Cleezy’s most recent Quotables

"Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say. "Sort of." It's just a filler. "Sort of"—it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, "sort of" means everything. Like after, "I love you." Or, "You're going to live." Or, "It's a boy!"

We've had to get a live-in nanny, 'cos that dead one wasn't working out.

Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."

She's stealing your pension! [Old man wakes up] No, he's fine.

Who the hell cares what anybody else thinks? Just look into your heart, do whatever the hell makes you happy.

J.D: I hate that stereotype that black people all yell at movie screens, y'know? Like you go to see a horror flick and you'd be yelling like, "Don't go in there, girl! He behind the do'!" It's offensive.
Turk: You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't you?
J.D: Why does she go in there?! I mean, he's behind the do'!

Now that's a very, very bad idea. You should stay away from your potential. I mean that is something you should leave absolutely alone. You'll mess it up! It's potential, leave it! And anyway, it's like your bank balance, you always have a lot less than you think.

Where is the cake? Cake is the language of love. I don't see any cakes in the building. You know, people say that to you: "I love you, I love you!" Yeah? Gimme a f*ckin' eclair.

The careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didn't end up going to university I'd end up robbing post offices.

Add a drop of lavender to your milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Fran: Do you know nothing about modern culture, Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon...
Bernard: Pacman. It's pronounced Pacman.

You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.

Moo-Pa: Shop's still called Black Books, I see?
Bernard: Yeah. I was gonna call it World Of Tights, but you know how stupid people are; you have to spell everything out!

A fire? ... In a Seaparks?!

If you type "Google" into Google, you can break the Internet.

Balloons explode, Jen. They explode suddenly, and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.

Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Testosterone is a great equalizer, it turns all men into morons.