Capricious713’s most recent Quotables

Live each day as if it is your first, last, or only day.

Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold.

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Multitasking? I can't even do two things at once. I can't even do one thing at once.

Nobody notices what I do until I don't do it.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable... like a coma.

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis".

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Most Girls say they want a fairy tale,
But you taught me that that's not really what I want.
I want someone who will make fun of me, and laugh at my jokes that aren't funny.
Someone who will wrestle with me, and not let me win just because I'm a girl.
Yeah, riding off into the sunset on a white horse would be nice, but playing thumb-war with you seems so much better.

My job is to write jokes. I sit in a hotel room and when I think of something funny, I write it down. If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.

Love is two blind people sword-fighting, love is a queen on a desert island, love is self-immolation, love is running scared in the dark, love is two people each of whose saliva is poison for the other, love is an empty house, a sunken boat, a crippled dancer.

Do not go where the path may lead: go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Here’s to the crazy ones. [...] They’re not fond of rules and have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them but you can't ignore them because they change things. They push the human race forward and while some may see them as crazy, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.