Ariadnelin4’s most recent Quotables

The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never know if they are genuine.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help.

You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words … have you finished?"

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need all the advice.

‎"There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start."

Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.

My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

I like video games but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital'.

Saying "I’m sorry" is the same as saying "I apologize." Except at a funeral.

Smart girls know how to play tennis, piano and dumb.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Sex is for two things: making babies and revenge.

Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What’s misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I’m a genius.