Don’t be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, 'Ross Geller, Good at Marriage' Y’know? Mine’s gonna say 'Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive'.
Submitted by PeroxideLaura about 2 years ago
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No, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face... I'm out.
Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go.
Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
Say Rachel, how would you like to go to a movie sometime? ..... As my lover.
Submitted by Rhian182 about 2 years ago
Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons, in an infinite number of universes, I assure you, that in none of them, am I dancing.
Peter (at church): Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?
Peter (as a doctor) - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life.
Guy - OH MY GOD!
Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.
Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.
Oh, marvellous. You're going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation.
You know how it is; you put things off for a day and next thing you know, it's a hundred years later.
Legs! I've still got legs!! [kisses one of them.] Good. Arms, hands. Ooh, fingers. Lots of fingers. Ears? Yes. Eyes: two. Nose... eh, I've had worse. Chin - blimey! Hair... [notes length.] I'm a girl! [checks Adam's apple.] No! No! I'm not a girl! [pulls a lock of his hair in front of his eyes and looks at it, agitated] And still not ginger! There's something else. Something... important, I'm... [taps head.] I'm-I'm...
Wow, Dad. Tell me you're wearing that shirt because someone has to spot you from space.
Submitted by Seven about 2 years ago
You may disguise your features but you can never disguise your intent.