Don’t be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, 'Ross Geller, Good at Marriage' Y’know? Mine’s gonna say 'Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive'.
Submitted by PeroxideLaura about 2 years ago
2 loves
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No, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face... I'm out.
Submitted by PeroxideLaura about 2 years ago
1 love
Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go.
Submitted by PeroxideLaura about 2 years ago
1 love
Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
Submitted by PeroxideLaura about 2 years ago
1 love
Say Rachel, how would you like to go to a movie sometime? ..... As my lover.
— Gunther
Submitted by Rhian182 about 2 years ago
2 loves
Peter (at church): Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?
Submitted by Zaoth about 2 years ago
3 loves
Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.
Submitted by Zaoth about 2 years ago
1 love
Oh, marvellous. You're going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation.
Submitted by amaguire about 2 years ago
7 loves
You know how it is; you put things off for a day and next thing you know, it's a hundred years later.
Submitted by amaguire about 2 years ago
8 loves
Legs! I've still got legs!! [kisses one of them.] Good. Arms, hands. Ooh, fingers. Lots of fingers. Ears? Yes. Eyes: two. Nose... eh, I've had worse. Chin - blimey! Hair... [notes length.] I'm a girl! [checks Adam's apple.] No! No! I'm not a girl! [pulls a lock of his hair in front of his eyes and looks at it, agitated] And still not ginger! There's something else. Something... important, I'm... [taps head.] I'm-I'm...
Submitted by laura about 2 years ago
3 loves
Wow, Dad. Tell me you're wearing that shirt because someone has to spot you from space.
Submitted by Seven about 2 years ago
3 loves
You may disguise your features but you can never disguise your intent.
Submitted by amaguire about 2 years ago
8 loves