Tv Quotes

You know what else was the best? The rainforests. Too bad the fascist oligarchies are raping them to make hamburgers. Look it up!

I really only listen to like, German death reggae, and Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. And Bette Midler. Obviously.

To Americans, Chechnya might as well be a suburb of Narnia.

I grew up in the tri-state area. Did you grow up in any... particular cluster... of states?

Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.

"Yes, that's what I think, and I'm super smart, so it's probably true."

"Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."

"I went into television because I hated it so, and I thought there was some way of using this fabulous instrument to be of nurture to those who would watch and listen."

Just stay where you are, and don't do *anything* revenge-y until I get there, you got it?

It's *only* a dream wedding? Thank God! I did *not* want to attend.

If this were Comic-Con, I would take a bullet for that kid. But here in the real world, trespassing is a crime.

Conrad: "You really are a son of a bitch, aren't you?"
Tyler: "Yes. It does appear that you despicable people are starting to rub off on me."

Brittany: “I just don’t understand the difference between an egg with a baby chicken inside of it and an egg with an egg in it.” Tina: “They’re the same thing!”
Brittany (distraught): “Ok, that’s really confusing, because…this is a baby chicken’s house!”

They are not evil people that are good at Foosball. They are good at Foosball because they are evil. It's an evil game that brings out the worst in us.

That dude was hardcore racist, like 1800's Disney-style!

John: Oh, please, can we not do this this time?
Sherlock: Do what?
John: You being all mysterious with your cheekbones and turning your coat collar up so you look cool.
Sherlock: I don't do that.

There's nothing we can't do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk all other responsibilities in our lives.

If any of you need anything at all: too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves like adults.

Cancel my subscription, I'm over your issues.

When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.