Tina Fey Quotes

I don’t know about Christina. Because then everyone will call her Tina. And everyone I know named Tina is a judgmental bitch.

I’m not a mean person, but I have a capacity for it. I have the biting comment formed somewhere in the back of my head — like it’s in captivity. Sometimes people expect that I’m going to be tough. It’s not a bad situation. People treat you better. People are on time.

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we’re like Oprah and Gale. Only we’re not denying anything.

I'm not going to get emotional tonight because I am a stone cold bitch.

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to say “yes!” Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more!

I just wish I could start a relationship about twelve years in when you really don’t have to try anymore and you can just sit around together and goof on tv shows and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.

Researchers reported that they developed a "self-healing" plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.