One act of thanksgiving, when things go wrong with us, is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations.
Submitted by joyfulheart18 1 day ago
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Before you beat yourself up for that extra serving of mashed potatoes or a week of missed workouts, take a moment and tell yourself it's OK. It's not the end of the world, and starting today you can go right back to your lifestyle of healthy eating and exercise
Submitted by Michellels over 2 years ago
The worst moment for the atheist is when he's really thankful and has no one to thank.
Submitted by mark3 over 2 years ago
Few will be brining over the weekend...and the remainder will be hiding failed culinary projects while yapping. Happy Thanksgiving
Submitted by dcrombie over 2 years ago
At Thanksgiving, my mom always makes too much food, especially one item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes. She's got to push it during the meal. "Did you get some sweet potatoes? There's sweet potatoes. They're hot. There's more in the oven, some more in the garage. The rest are at the Johnson's."
Measured by the standards of men of their time, the Pilgrims were the humble of the earth. Measured by later accomplishments, they were the mighty. In appearance weak and persecuted they came – rejected, despised – an insignificant band; in reality strong and independent, a mighty host of whom the world was not worthy destined to free mankind.
Yeah, this is my first Thanksgiving away from home. I mean, unless you count last year.
As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
[McCormick family is sat around the table, with a can of beans in the middle.]
Mr. McCormick: Dear God, we thank you for this... single can of green beans. And even though you took our son from us, and you enjoy tormenting us, we thank you. Amen.
[The family pauses.]
Mrs. McCormick: Um... does anyone have a can opener?
Mr. McCormick: God dammit.
Anya: Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: It's not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie.
For what I give, not what I take,
For battle, not for victory,
My prayer of thanks I make.
Dear Lord; we beg but one boon more:
Peace in the hearts of all men living,
peace in the whole world this Thanksgiving.
Lord, ’tis Thy plenty-dropping hand
That soils my land,
And giv’st me for my bushel sowne
Twice ten for one.
All this, and better, Thou dost send
Me, to this end,
That I should render, for my part,
A thankful heart.
So once in every year we throng
Upon a day apart,
To praise the Lord with feast and song
In thankfulness of heart.
It wasn’t easy telling my family that I’m gay. I made my carefully worded announcement at Thanksgiving. It was very Norman Rockwell. I said, “Mom, would you please pass the gravy to a homosexual?” She passed it to my father. A terrible scene followed.
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, “Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England”
— Jay Leno
And lord, we’re especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream. Anyway, we’d like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and love our family’s experienced. Well, not today, you saw what happened! Oh Lord, be honest, are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what?