Television Quotes

"I went into television because I hated it so, and I thought there was some way of using this fabulous instrument to be of nurture to those who would watch and listen."

Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or, as I've always known him, Jeff.

What makes a religion false? If any religion is right, then maybe they all have to be right. Maybe God doesn't care how you say your prayers, just as long as you say them.

What makes a religion false? If any religion is right, then maybe they all have to be right. Maybe God doesn't care how you say your prayers, just as long as you say them.

Speed is crucial in TV. Under the pressure of production, you have to be able to bang out good scripts on a clock. A writer who can finish a solid draft in two months? They’re easy to find. I’m interested in the writer who can write that draft in two days.

How many M's are there in the letter R?

You guys are going to have to find a way to come together or we're going to get our butts kicked from here until Tuesday finds a saddleback full of buckwheat.

Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football; I love scarves.

I try to make a habit of not touching carnie folk but fella, I’ll take it!

And the glee club together with the football team was like a double rainbow. A zombie double rainbow.

I hate you, Diane Sawyer.

Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson.

It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it – breakfast.

You’re a much bigger star than me. You present a show that gets 30 million viewers. I’m on a cable channel.

You remind me of one of those knock-off DVDs. At first glance quite convincing, but afterwards you’re just impossible to follow.

It’s a science museum. It’s either going to be something to do with science or… museums?

You've got to earn respect. People are starting to see, when I open my mouth, I have to say something.

I keep hearing a lot of hot air coming out of your mouth, so in the interests of climate change shut up.

I'll lead the team, you'll do all the work.

Television has become predictable, vulgar and nasty.