Stand Up Quotes

Sometimes the fluffy bunny of incredulity zooms around the bend so rapidly that the greyhound of language is left, agog, in the starting cage.

Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.