Pj O'rourke Quotes

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.

Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.

The principal feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By loudly denouncing all bad things — war and hunger and date rape — liberals testify to their own terrific goodness.

No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was nothing to litter with.

The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

I'm a registered Republican and consider socialism a violation of the American principle that you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business except to make a buck.

Racism is very lower-class. Upper-class people are never racists; they're anti-Semites.

A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.

No matter how horrendous a terrorist attack is, it's still conducted by losers. Winners don't need to hijack airplanes. Winners have an Air Force.

Gays want to get married, have children, and go to church. Next they'll be advocating school vouchers, boycotting HBO, and voting Republican.