Funny Quotes

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were small furry creatures from Alpha Centuri.

My own brother a goddamn shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'til Mom finds out, buddy.

Myrnin (vampire)" 'Did you know you can find almost anything on the new computer network, the Interweb? I was quite amazed'
Myrnin hadn't paid much attention in the last hundred years or so. Claire wasn't too surprised he'd discovered the Internet, though. Wait until he finds the porn. That would be a very uncomfortable conversation"

“Jace, you already behave as if you’ve never heard the word ‘fear’. I fail to see how we’re going to be able to tell the difference if it does work on you.”
Alec stifled what sounded like a laugh. Jace simply smiled a tight, unfriendly simile. “I’ve heard the word ‘fear,’ ” he said. “I simply choose to believe it doesn’t apply to me.”
“Exactly the problem,” said Luke.

"The difference between doing something and not doing something, is doing something"

Our site is down! We're losing fractional pennies of ad revenue every hour!

"Yes, that's what I think, and I'm super smart, so it's probably true."

Oh, George! You didn't jump in the river. How sensible of you!

What is a simple bite on the buttocks among friends?

There are never failures -- only gained experience, wisdom, knowledge and lessons in life

Shouldn't Captain Crunch be a Colonel By Now?

Ravi Batra
haha is he a bull

Alpana Mahendru
i dont think so
i didnt take cowology
so i dont know which kinda cow this is

ugh i keep hearing a cow and thinking im not logged into farmville and then i realized there is a cow right outside my door.
he is just sitting outside my door mooing

It is hard for people to see eye to eye when they aren't actually looking at each other eye to eye.

Those willing to get wet will rise high and dry.

Scenario 10 years from now, standard Phy A level discussion:

Receptionist: Dr. Perelberg will see you now
Dr. McSherrey (patient): *jumps out of window*

"Pearl Harbor sucked, and I miss you."

I see a man who has serious intentions, that's Levin; and I see a peacock, like this featherhead, who's only amusing himself.

I see these fat and stupid people holding their hands as they walk down the fried food section of Walmart. Life's unfair, how come these ignorant and superficial people get to find love while we fight this magnetic force that draws us together, just because at one time I was one of those ignorant and superficial people.