Funny Quotes

Love yourself enough to deserve the best and you will receive it.

Don't let Stupid make you Stupid.

"Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades."

“Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.”

“He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.”

"Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?"
Jace said, "Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself."
..."At least," she said, "you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland."
"Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting."

"You know, you shouldn’t be bothered with stuff while you’re training.”
“Stuff like people trying to kill me?” I’d put a banana on my tray, too. That, at least, didn’t remind me of anything trying to kill me. Could you kill someone with a banana? It didn’t seem possible. Maybe a possessed banana. I’d seen possessed pets before, but not possessed fruit. But I’ll bet it’s out there somewhere.

Myrnin (vampire): “Did you know you can find almost anything on the new computer network, the Interweb? I was quite amazed”
Myrnin hadn't paid much attention in the last hundred years or so. Claire wasn't too surprised he'd discovered the Internet, though. Wait until he finds the porn. That would be a very uncomfortable conversation"

"You look pretty" "What was that?" "I said you look shitty... goodnight Denise..."

Hey.... Sexy Lady

In America, anyone can become president. It's one of the risks we take.

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk or running for office.

I cannot stress enough that the answer to life's questions is often in people's faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people's faces. People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous, or asleep.

Kissing small children is like walking into a lab and licking a random petri dish. You never know what you are going to end up getting.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Until you step up on your own pedestal, you will always be looked down on by those who superficially put themselves on one.

Make your life right and you will have a life!

If you don't treat yourself like number one then others will treat you like number two!

Modest about our national pride - inordinately proud of our national modesty.

I miss you like the idiot misses the point!