Most loved today

You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren’t. You take the action, and the insight follows. You don’t think your way into becoming yourself.

The important thing is not to stop questioning.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah"

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

Be the change that you want to see in the world.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better and greater than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

Expectation is the root of all heartache.

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion.

If you find yourself lost in the woods, f*ck it, build a house. "Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!"

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."

On a stop light green means go, red means stop and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means "hold on", yellow means "go ahead", and red means "where the f*ck did you get that banana at?"

I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls, but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "F*ck it, cut em up!"

One time, this guy handed me a picture of him. He said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older.", "You son of a bitch! How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera!"

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the f*ck’s really goin' on down there? Who is the real hero?

Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.