The Inbetweeners Quotes

Jay: I’d f*ck her, right up the bum hole.
Will: Lucky girl.

Jay: At least they wont call you briefcase mong .. they'll call you shit pants mong
Neil: Or Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
Will: Any more?
Simon: Wayne Pooney, Take Shat
Neil: Dr Poo
Jay: The Lion the Witch and the speccy kid who shit himself
Simon: We can keep this up all summer you know
Will: Brilliant looking forward to it
Simon: Brad Shit
Jay: Bumlog Millionaire
Will: Alright!
Simon: How about Vladimir Pootin
Neil:Who?

Will: Alright you big poof? Where's your bit then? I thought you'd be having it up to your nuts in guts
Jay: Nah, I had to er, I had to give her the boot
Will: Did you? I thought you were really into her
Jay: Nah, she was like frigid, and she wouldn't have this threesome even though I organised it with a top lezzer model, and (sobbing) my cock was too big for her..

Jay: You've gotta be f*cking joking, there's no way i'm gonna get bummed by some royal bloke on a mountain.

Ice-cream Lady: What can I get you?
Jay: Cornetto please
Lady: One cornetto, is that all?
Jay: Do you wanna lick it?
Lady: Sorry?
Jay: My Cornetto, do you wanna lick it?
Lady: Oh that is kind, I've had enough Ice Cream today though sweetheart
Jay: Oh right, bit late am I?
Lady: ...Do you want something?
Jay: Are you the woman who sucks school boys off?
Lady: Sorry?
Jay: Can you suck me off?

Neil: He rubbed my legs
Jay: That's what you get for leading on Peados you slut!

Simon's Dad: Your've had an eventful day bunking off school, buying alchol illegally, defacing carly's drive and insulting Neil's dad, have i missed anything?"
Will: We also hit a spastic with a frispy

Jay: Where've you been? Wankin' over your mum's bras?
Will: Well seeing as she's my mum, probably not
Jay: Well can I have them then?

Will: Oh piss off
Neils Dad: dont talk to me like that in my own house!
Will: oh sorry, my manners, piss off PLEASE!!
Neils Dad: i've had enough of your lip
Will: oh you'd like my lip wouldnt you, right round your bell end! if Mr Chippy doesnt get there first! Whats he gunna knock up, a closet for you to hide in!? you BUMDER!!

Simon: It's YOUR spunk!
Neil: But it's YOUR car!
Simon: What... so if I spunked in your face it would be yours?

Simon: You wet the bed when you were 10
Jay: Yeah I wet your mums bed...with my spunk

Will: No one would get fingered for a bet Jay... with the possible exception of your sister.
Jay: Take that back
Will: You're right I do take that back, on the other hand your mum would probably get fingered for a packet of biscuits.

Jay: So I had one bent over the table here, there was one up here who I was fingering and I was just toe f*cking the one on the floor.
Will: So when do we get to meet these lucky ladies?
Jay: You can't, they've gone back to the playboy mansion.

Simon: Hang on, have you had the left ear pierced?
Jay: Yes
Simon: Aint that the one you get pierced to show you're gay?
Jay: F*CK OFF
Neil: Oh yeah that is the gay one
Jay: Well there's a quick way to tell Neil, which ear's your dad got pierced?
Neil: Neither cos he's not bent!
Simon: Course not

We're camping by a lake near a wood, what are you hoping to pull, a fish or an owl?

A cow, it charged me, so I had to knock it out. One punch.

Then I pushed it in a bit, then out a bit, then in a bit, then my legs ached, then out again, then back in and then it went off and now she's pregnant

What is Swansea, is it an animal?

They're only daffodils, f*cking little show-offs. Look at me, I'm out first, I'm all yellow.

What's this pesto, is it for humans?