Tim Minchin Quotes

If you open your mind too much, your brains will fall out.

Your skin is so smooth
I couldn't afford you with hair
You have all the holes real girls have got
Plus one for the air

This survey of American beliefs showed that Americans, at a rate of between 48 and 51% don’t believe in evolution. Which is, like, half. And of top of that 51% a further 38 to 40% of Americans believe that biological evolution has occurred but believe that it was initiated by, and has since been kind of administered by, um, god, leaving a very small percentage of Americans who are right.

But evolution is only a theory! - Which is true. I mean, it is only a theory, it’s good that they say that. I think, it gives you hope, doesn’t it? That… that maybe they feel the same way about the theory of gravity, and they might just float the f*** away.

"Everything organic and natural is good" - ignoring the fact that organic natural substances include arsenic and poo and crocodiles. And everything chemical is bad, ignoring the fact that… everything is chemicals.

Your love is one in a million, You couldn’t buy it at any price. But of the 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves statistically, some of them would be equally nice.

The weirdest thing about a house is that it’s got locks to keep the baddies out, but they’re mostly used to lock ourselves in.

Because I need you / Like a tick needs a tock / Like bananas need pyjamas / Like a nun needs cock