Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Submitted by CaptainSlowest almost 7 years ago
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And lord, we’re especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream. Anyway, we’d like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and love our family’s experienced. Well, not today, you saw what happened! Oh Lord, be honest, are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what?
Submitted by pandorasinbox almost 7 years ago
Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
Submitted by MissNeekay almost 7 years ago
Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
Submitted by JakeChampion almost 7 years ago
English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.
Son, a woman is a lot like a... [looks around] a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and, um... [spots his can of Duff] Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! [downs the beer] But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Submitted by Qotemin about 7 years ago
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
Submitted by JeruBee about 7 years ago
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
Submitted by KZhu about 7 years ago
Marge: "Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?"
Homer: "Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries."
Submitted by Oli about 7 years ago