Dwight Schrute Quotes

The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.

Pam: If I have to do this based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.

Dwight: Aw, man! Am I a woman?!

Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do *not* do that thing.

Forget it Michael! Today is about herpes! Who gave it to you, who has it, and who is going to pay.

I would do legal jiu jitsu on you.

Speaking of rainbows...Oscar. You're kind of a double minority.

That's how it goes. You lose everything. And eventually you fall apart. And then you die. And no one remembers you.

I need to change my contact information from Michael Scott to The Hospital. Phone number: 9-1-1.

It is a fitness orb. And it has completely changed my life.

Ryan... You don't have to wrestle him... Ryan... just get in the coffin... Ryan...?

Once I brought in a duck for lunch... Apparently people got attached to the duck and were upset when I killed it.

There's too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague.

Hello. This is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah, to be in your shoes. ‘What’s next?’, you’re probably wondering. Don’t be scared of your night in heaven...

There are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick.

She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine...